TONGA - LIFESTYLE

The first thing that struck us in Tonga was that many people had really nice houses with pretty gardens. They had water, though only cold, and we noticed in many places the water tanks appeared quite recently as many of them have notices saying when they was biult and by whom, ie sponsored by Japan or Canada. The houses looked western but when you visited them you noticed some typical Tongan trends. People like sitting on the floor. They usually have lots of mats, sometimes on the floor, sometimes stored in piles for special occasions. In Ha'apai, the house of our host was big and modern with a spacious verandah. It had lots of pictures hanging on the walls of the main room, all important moments in the life of the whole family and numerous relatives from the last few generations were captured, framed and proudly displayed. There were piles of mats stored in two corners.

These are used on different occasions and needed when the family is invited for weddings or funerals. They are the most precious gifts but unlike the idea of a gift in western culture, which the receiver should keep and not give away, these pass from hand to hand and from one generation to another. Again, unlike in western culture, these gifts are hand made, sometimes taking many months and very appreciated. They are a matter of prestige. I could not believe the number of them nor could I imagine the hours of work that making it had to have taken. We also discovered that though the house was furnished with chairs, tables and beds, our host preferred to sleep on the verandah floor with a carved wooden pillow underneath his neck.

On our walks through the villages on Ha'apai, Eua or Atata island, we always saw houses with their doors wide open, people sitting on the floor, women weaving mats inside or beating tapa cloth outside as they have done for generations. This was perhaps what amazed me most in Tonga and which I found so enchanting. People sit around in the evenings and do different jobs together in what we would find a very relaxed manner. And it's the type of job that in western culture seems such a waste of time when you can go to the supermarket and buy stuff off the peg, off the production line. Here in Tonga, they make unique pieces of craft, often things that they give away or even items that last just for a day or night like a flower lei (necklace).

One day I spent quite a long time making a lei, alongside the mother of my friend on Atata island. We sat there with a bunch of frangipani flowers and soon I discovered that the work doesn't only involve threading them on to the pieces of pandanus. No, before that, we actually "designed" the flower. Patiently (well she did, I didn't) we made 5 incisions on every single petal, every flower having five petals. This took ages and with my amount of patience and the amount of things we planned for that day, in the time I lasted there I managed to do only a fraction of the lei. And I thought it was a really long time. The lei was made for one of the dancers for the performance that was taking place that night.

Outside there were lots of kids carrying baskets heavy with blooms. I found the whole idea of putting so much effort, so much patience, into something so easily perishable, sweet, even though I couldn't cope with the time it was taking. The western way of living, with its constant pressure and time running so fast has made its imprint on me. Time doesn't run fast for Tongans. Apart from the fact that there is never any rush to do anything, Tongans also seem completely unaware of time so then there can't be any time pressure. They are actually also terrible with judging time and have a similar problem with distance. They are almost worse than me. One hour, two hours, 3 hours - makes not much difference. It seems also that sometimes when asked about time they just give a standard answer which makes life easier. So let's say that everything takes 20 minutes to half an hour. The foreigners always seem to be far more satisfied with that answer than a “1 hour, two hours, maybe three hours” answer. Tongans are really polite people and they like to give the foreigner the answers they want.

Tongans have this very unique lifestyle. They sleep a lot during the day and it may look like they don't do much but usually, in the villages, men rise early and walk to the plantation, while women take care of the house and work in the evening when it is cooler. Sometimes plantations are quite a distance away. People tend to grow all the crops there for all the families in the village and don't have much in their gardens next to the house. Again, when we visited the plantation, we saw a man sitting in a row of pumpkins, wrapping every single pumpkin in newspaper. It was done to protect the vegetable against the harsh sun. It didn't seem to worry him that the job was taking a long time nor that it was so easily destroyed by the weather. After the first rain, the paper would disappear and he or some other members of his family, would repeat the whole thing all over again.

So basically the Tongan lifestyle is a mixture of modern, western things and ideas, and traditional Tongan ways. The attitude to money is also interesting. There are now so many modern things, that money is really useful. But Tongans don't seem to be too preoccupied with earning money. Much of the money comes to Tonga from abroad; from relatives who have left Tonga and live and work in western society and therefore got the hang of earning money. Also, as they can earn far more than any Tongan could earn, it seems quite sensible to have the money sent from abroad. And because of the family links, respect and how they were brought up, Tongans who work abroad, feel it is almost their duty to send money and quite a lot of it.

If a Tongan in Tonga needs a car or to renovate their house they can just write a letter to a relative abroad. Often things like mobile phones are bought by relatives from abroad and I have a feeling that but for the pressure from them that they should have these modern gadgets, Tongans would be quite happy without them. Tongans do have cars, mostly new Asian trucks and they drive their family and friends in the back of the truck. The pasengers sit or stand, sometimes under umbrellas or mats as Tongans really try to hide from the sun as much as they can.

We stayed in one village where obviously the idea of making money and having a business became quite infectious because that village had at least 10 different shops and probably they were never more than 50 metres apart. They all looked very much the same and had an identical assortment of food, bread, water, tins of sardines, tins of corn beef, chinese noodles and a few other items. It was almost like one family had an idea to open a little kiosk, then another one thought they can do the same and then it went like a chain letter. So by the time we came to the village everyone owned a shop and everyone had the potential chance to make money just that no one spotted that the demand for what they were selling was satisfied after the first two shops had opened. Obviously this also gave something for people to do and as the shop was standing just a couple of metres from their house, the shopkeeping wasn't too much of a strain.

Tongans who bring their produce to the market in Nuku'alofa are never pushy and don't bargain, in general. When I wanted to buy something from a woman in a village and asked her for the price, she announced proudly "it's up to you". I explained I had no idea of the real value, can she just tell me approximately what would she like for it but she just kept repeating with an innocent smile - “it's up to you” leaving me at a total loss and thinking I wouldn't mind paying her lots for it but worrying that maybe my limited budget still wouldn't allow me to give her a good price for what it was worth.

There is a definite class sytem in Tonga and the King and the royals are the highest class, then there are nobles and then the commoners. There is a complicated system of etiquette and some obligations that the lower class have towards the higher class but again Tongans are happy with this as they naturally respect the members of the class above them. They also have a fairly high regard for their King and when we were there, many houses in Nuku'alofa were still decorated with mourning ribbons and black or purple sheets after the death of the last King.

There is a lot of socialising and people live in extended families. The most popular entertainment seems to be dancing. Everyone, I think, knows how to dance. We went a few times to the same village school and every time kids were learning traditional Tongan dances in the morning. There are fundraising parties, often organised by the church, and there is always dancing included in it. We were even invited to a big party for 70 + people (don't ask why) and they all were dancing too. So generally Tongans are quite shy but they are never shy on the dance floor.

Apart from dancing, Tongans love food and lots of it. You will not see Tongans in many restaurants where they would be served a small fancy meal. They would usually make their own feast or, if they go out, they would rather choose a place with a buffet serving Tongan dishes with the obligatory roasted pig. By the way in Tonga big is still beautiful and no one cares too much about carrying around a few extra kilos especially as they were gained in one of the most pleasurable ways.